10 Things Women From Men; 10 Things Men Want From Women

by Yolanda M. Johnson

I asked a group of men and women what they wanted in the opposite sex. I questioned men and women from various backgrounds and financial and educational backgrounds. From their responses, I compiled a list of 10 things women want from men and 10 things men want from women.

10 Things That Women Want From Men

1. Respect – Women want their men to respect them as women, to respect their dreams and respect their decisions. Too often, men are intimidated by a strong woman and suddenly respect turns into competition or resentment. Men must understand, that women are not trying to out do them, but they too want to follow their dreams and expect, want and need their men to stand by their side. 2. Honesty - Women feel that men tell them what they hear to get what they want or to keep a woman quiet. A woman is interested in her man’s opinion and wants it honestly. If a woman asks her man how she looks in dress, she expects his honest opinion. After all she wants to look her best. And if her man doesn’t have confidence in her enough to be honest, it leaves the door open for distrust. 3. Faithfulness – Plain and simple, a woman wants a man that is faithful. Simply put, if you don’t plan on being faithful, then you should exit the relationship. If another woman can supply you with what you feel you’re not getting from your current woman, you need to do one of two things. 1) express your feelings, wants and desires to your current woman, if she does not or cannot comply and your desires are simply something you cannot live without, with your current woman, then you should do 2) walk. 4. Support – Depending on the type of person you’re with, many women have endured various adversities such as our male counterparts. It’s one thing to fight for your place in society or the workplace, but it’s another to fight for your place in your relationship. Too often men expect women to support and stand by them while they reach their goals or achieve their dreams, but they fail to stand by their women in the same instance. In many cases, once the man has achieved their dreams, the man is ghost and has moved on to someone else. 5. Security – This is a hard one simply because overtime men have failed to give women a sense of security that they find other ways to fulfill this need. This causes power struggles and other issues between couples. He thinks she’s too independent, she feels like he’s trying to strip her of her independence. A woman wants to feel like if she lost her job, that her man will have her back. She wants to feel like if she’s down and out and needs a listening to turn to, that he could be the one that will hold her down. She wants to know that if any other man disrespects her, that her man has her back. She wants to feel like he is emotionally available for her. 6. Good Sex – This one is not too hard; well once men realize that women like a good orgasm just as much as the next man. And don’t get mad at women because we like to have more than one in a single sitting. Women want men to realize that good sex to them is not turning a woman over and pounding for a few minutes, a grunt and then a “go fix me a sammich”. Excuse me when I say this is 2005; times have changed and so have today’s women. Two minutes is not going to get it. Hit it and quit it is not going to get it. Now don’t get me wrong, women are not against the occasional quickie, but women today like spice and variety as well as spontaneity. We like lots of foreplay, and the saying “You’ve got to lick it before you stick it”, (shrug) hey I’m just being real. It’s true. Women are sensual beings and want the sensual experience during sex. Bottom line, if you “hit” it right, you won’t have to bother asking her to go make you a sammich, because if you give her good sex, one of two things will happen, 1) she will float into the kitchen, make you a sammich, some kool-aide and some dessert and 2) she’ll be knocked out for the rest of the night, but you’ll wake up to the smell of bacon, eggs, pancakes and fresh squeezed orange juice. 7. Spiritual Stability – most women know that without a relationship with God that everything they do and touch is bound to fall apart. A woman can feel more confident about her relationship when she knows that her man has a personal relationship with God. This also ties in with her sense of security, because she knows although you are not perfect you are not religious but your relationship with God allows you to love her deeper than he would without a relationship with God. It doesn’t hurt to attend church together and praise the Lord together or read the bible together. It will definitely help during those difficult times. 8. Gainfully Employed – You’ve heard the saying, no romance without finance. That will never change. A man that can’t keep a job is an indication of a man that can’t maintain a stable relationship. To women a man that is not employed is wishy-washy and irresponsible. Confident and secure women feel that men without jobs are insecure and deem them not serious enough to have a meaningful relationship. 9. Thoughtfulness – A woman loves a thoughtful man. It doesn’t have to be anything big. A woman is easily turned on when she knows her man is thinking of her for no reason at all. She loves unexpected gestures, such as a note in her brief case, and e-card, or a poem. Show up at her office to take her to lunch when she least expects it. Having her bathwater ready for her when she returns home from a long days work might ensure that after you take care of her, she will definitely take care of you. If you have children, get them out of her hair so she can have a few moments to herself to think clearly. Little things mean a lot. 10. Ambition – A man without a dream is man that a woman wants to steer clear of. I once dated a man who worked for a hazardous waste company making $9 an hour. I tried to look past his present situation and look more at what he could become. One day I asked him what his life dream was or his goals for life were. He told me he wanted to clean buildings. Of course my entrepreneurial mindset kicked in, trying to figure out how long it would take me to write up a grant to assist him in starting his own business. When I ran this by him, he stated that he didn’t want to own his business; he just wanted to clean buildings. I was baffled and asked him if he was content in making $9 an hour, he said yes. Now, I’m not downing those brothas that don’t make much, because there is someone out there for you; probably. I just know that today’s woman wants a man who wants more in life and their ambition has them wanting to more than what they do, or strive to be better than what they are. But hey, if you are content making $9 an hour, hey float on and move on.

10 Things that Men Want From Women

1. Respect – Black men seem to struggle with receiving respect from society, they don’t want to have to battle to receive it from their woman. A black man wants to know that no matter what he does, wrong or right, his woman will respect him. A black man doesn’t mind his woman “getting him told” just as long as she respects him. Respect from a woman gives a man the sense of keeping his manhood in tact. And after all, one of the most important things to a black man is not having his manhood challenged. 2. Femininity – Men like strong women, but when women are strong to the point that they lose their femininity, men are turned off and seek it elsewhere. Men still like soft, submissive and pretty things to experience. If their woman is hard and harsh; it’s not cool to them. Many of the men I talked to say that women have forgotten how to be women. And in this day and age of circumstance, I’d have to say I agree with them. Sorry ladies, but real is real. 3. Old Fashioned Values – I had an interesting conversation with a buddy of mine. I won’t reveal his name until a later date because we will be working on a project together similar to battle of the sexes, but it will be titled “Battle of the Sexes with M&M” (Don’t ask). But one thing I found interesting that he said was that women need to take off the pants and put back on the skirts. And the most profound thing about his comment was that I took a look at my own self. Symbolically, all I would wear were skirts, now I own three pairs of jeans. You see the trend here right. He went on to say that old-fashioned values consist of the woman taking care of home and the children, and simply take care of home. Truth be told; he is right. Take care of home, because if you don’t, you can best be sure that someone else is waiting in the wings to do what you won’t. 4. Submissiveness – We struggle for equality, we struggle to pay the bills, we struggle to be the best we can be, we struggle in various things in life, the last thing a man wants to do is struggle with his mate. A woman needs to know when to voice her opinion and she needs to know when to keep quiet. Submissiveness in its various forms and interchangeable tends to be a dirty little word to women. When women hear men use the word, the first thing that comes to their minds is bondage and control, when in essence it really is not what a man means. He simply wants a lady to be a lady and allow him to be the man. 5. Good sex – Let me just say this, men are visual and regardless of what they say, they love variety. Remember when I said in #3, the Old Fashioned Values section? Same thing applies here. What you won’t do for your man, another woman will. A man wants a woman this uninhibited in the bedroom. Role-play; keep it exciting. Remember that pleases your man starts way before you reach the bedroom and long after you leave it. Lovemaking doesn’t have to be confined to the bedroom. Also remember that a man loves a lady in the street and a freak in the bed. Ya heard? 6. Self Sufficiency – Although men go for the occasional damsel in distress, he is not too keen on a “needy” woman. A self-sufficient woman is seen as a good woman in the eyes of some men. Yes, they love to rescue their woman every now and then, but too often can put a strain on the relationship and eventually cause it to falter. Allow your man to come to your rescue but keep it to a minimum. He wants to know that you can hold it down when he’s not there. 7. Faithfulness – I don’t need to say much on this topic. It is what it is. Being down for your man, standing by him and having him feeling confident that you are not going to seek from any other man what you already have at home. 8. Women with their own money – This topic tends to be a struggle. A man wants a woman with her own money, but he doesn’t want the woman’s attitude to be, “I’ve got my own money, so you can’t do a damn thing for me”. Come on women, some of us are like that. I’m guilty, because I sure did say this a time or two, but I had to check myself. For some reason men are tight gripped with their money, for whatever reason I will probably never be able to understand. To this date, no man has ever been able to explain to me why that is. Its just fact. Keep your hand out of his wallet. When he sees you doing your own thing, he will realize, without you saying it, he had better step up to the plate, because the reality is that if a woman makes her own money, there is REALLY nothing else he can do for her, that she can’t do for herself. Just be wise ladies, in how you express that. 9. Inner Beauty – I don’t know how many times I’ve heard men say that she’s fine, but you can’t see the real her under all that make-up. You ever meet someone that wasn’t really attractive to you at first, but once you got to know them, their inner beauty shone on the outside so much that the person suddenly became the finest or the most beautiful specimen of a person you had ever seen. Stop frontin’; you know I’m telling the truth. Men don’t object to women wearing make-up but if you’re covering up the real you, it makes it seem like a waste of time to get to know the real you. 10. Hero complex – As much as I hate to say it, a man wants to be idolized by his woman. He wants to know that she thinks he is the best thing since sliced bread. He is her king, her warrior, her Shaka Zulu, her Mandingo. Whew! He wants to know that he does for her what no other man could ever do. And that’s all that needs to be said about that.

I mentioned earlier that an unamed buddy and I would be working on a project together. Stay tuned because it's going to get hot up in here!